Lesson from a PUG...

Was at Bharath's place this evening...He got a new dog, atleast tats wut I thought...I found her out of place when I entered his place...

I don't want to refer her as a dog..I hate doin tat...So am referin to her as Ms.P..As she's a pug...N I would like to tell somethin abt her first even before I begin wut she taught me...
She was actually at a transit home rite now...n was brought along wid an other friend of Bharath...She was his relatives pet n they were out of the town for long n they had no other option but to leave her bak wid some person who would take care of her as they did...They found a place...but it so happened tat Ms.P wouldn't settle in there cuz there were already few pets there n she didn''t get her share of proper care n attention...She expected tat she would get everythin wut it was like bak @ home...

Ms.P was one of those kinds tat she wanted everythin/every1 the way she wanted them to be n wouldn't give a damn to the hardships tat others went thro' in settin bak things rite but in the course of their settin things rite if somethin happens tat would spoil her equilibrium n zone of comfort..She would erupt...

I met her in such a state...n as am a very gud companion n I like shoulderin ppl..rather I'm brought up tat way tat the comfort of souls around u is important for U to be happy...It was no different cuz Ms.P had emotions too..I was wid her all possible times...n everytime she was down I was there for her...Cuddlin her...makin her forget all her worries n I wondered if I started likin her..n i did..more than like...I Loved her...N she did Love me as well..

I wished Ms.P was my pet n would be wid me always...atleast in her company n wid none remindin tat someday she might hav to go away..I felt she was all mine n showered her wid Love...I have never felt this way for any other pet I hav come across..Though there were few really sweet ones..

In d mean time...Ms.P owners decided to find her a new place n found one for her...N she was moved there...even there..I tried to make it a point tat she shouldn't feel out of place n lonely..n wid time she started gettin accoustomed to the new place...N she got few more gud new friends..I was happy for her..N she was treated as if she was @ her own home...She was happy...n so was I...n whenever I went to C her..She would jump up in joy n wid a few more ppl to share her time wid I understood her n didn't expect her to b wid me all time...

On one fine day...Her owners came bak jus for a few days n they met her..She was of course overjoyed...n it so happened tat wid in those few days few bitter exchange of emotions n thoughts happened n she was also a victim of it...Not knowin wut to do..She started behavin strange to almost every1 she knew...even Bharath who knew her for years...I was no different...she did the same wid me...but the aftermath was the worst part...She started ignorin any1 n every1...Esp me..n my feelin's for her no longer mattered..!!!

I then wondered..'Wutever is happenin now, is somethin very similar to wutever is happenin wid me...Is this a coincidence or is time tryin to teach me a lesson'..She came out of nowhere one fine day n now she's all gone...not even wantin to respond to me..Is tat all anyones emotions worth...is tat all...:-?..'..I didn't know the answer...but I wanted to find out...Jus then Bharath told me...'Dude,I know u liked her from th bottom of Ur heart...but she found somethin better...somethin more appealin to her than wut she has now...N tats d way life is...MOVE ON...'
'MOVE ON...'..i still have those words ringin in my ears now...'Yes,I know tat I Love her n she knows tat i do...So where's the point in feelin bad if she doesn't recioprocate wut I feel for her..i don't loose a thing...If its not the Pug..I could be some other breed always..A lot of others r worth my Love n care n attention than a stupid Ms.P makin me feel out of place...'..N someday she'll realize wut she has missed.."A Pure Carin heart n a very gud companion n friend"..But when she realizes tat I would be far away not even in a position to provide her shoulder...though I would Love n care for her the same way I do now...!!!

The Other Side...

I always wondered how true was the adage...'The grass is always greener on the other side...'...Its all illusion...God damn it...N trust me...No one is worth Your Love n emotions...n Ur trust...!!! other than Ur parents or your immediate family...even there...Beware...!!!

I woke up from my nap this evenin...I found few things on my bed tat Usually r wid me...while I sleep...two pillows n some music...I had my I-pod next to me...I hav had this wid me over the past few months...N trust me its the first gadget I have Loved wid all my heart...My passion for the gud old music increased n I was happy tat I found the right thing on which I could build it on...Though it could hold jus a thousand songs in it...b there were better ones available...I still Loved it as it was the best...I trusted it n I did blindly...My Love for it blinded me as I thought I wouldn't be soundin tat sweet to any1's ears other than mine...but alas it was not the truth...It did sound the same to every1 who laid its hands on n it did hurt me...Its me who owned it..its me whom it meant more than jus another gadget for me..I Loved it..but it didn't even realize it...

Was happy n comfortable in my hands...Smilin @ me happily when I did charge it whenever it needed a boost to run...Kept it updated as I didn't want my Love to loose the race..All this for wut..Jus to find tat I meant nothin to It...Jus 2 find out tat It had been runnin around lying to me...!!!

I still found it difficult to take but the fact was tat the uniqueness in feelin tat I had for it was no more...I started lookin out for a better one whom I could think of n make it understand wut the void created in my emotional castle n fill it wid the right one...rather than cribbin abt the wrong 1 which I felt was right...I would like to prove someday tat...Wut it/she missed was somethin more precious than wut she thought I was worth...cuz she felt...'The grass is Greener on the other side...'...!!!

Nice shot..;)

Comfort...err...Zone...

I wonder wut it takes for others to be comfortable wid U...This thought stirred up in my mind after a chain of events tat happened right in front of my eyes...

The pawn shop right outside my office...I was wid my friend who was enjoyin his usual pleasure of a smoke after lunch this afternoon...The pawn shop guy is 2 busy durin this time of the day...Hoards of pple visitin his shop after a fillin lunch...Smokes n bheeda's were all tat he sold...
I saw a stray dog(wonder if any1 would call it tat...cuz it looked a lot cleaner than few domesticated ones tat I hav seen...)...Have seen it there before runnin around the shop...it was a pet for every1 who visits the place...The pawn shop guy was the person who owned it I believe...They were a perfect master n pet...But somethin happened today...The guy was infuriated wid somethin tat was happenin wid him n he was disturbed...He shouted @ the dog n hit it wid all he could get n shooed it away...

All he said was..."I don't like tat dog anymore...i'm not comfortable wid it around...!!!.."..But y...wut did tat dog do...Wut was its mistake...it being loyal to U, or it Loving U unconditionally...Or it thinkin tat there was no one beyond U in this earth n it was destined to be wid U forever...Wut did it do...n if at all U r confused wid somethin else Y do u have to bring everythin to be vented out on that poor dog...:-?..I pinched myself to check if it was me who spoke all this...Rather I didn't speak them myself..but things happenin wid me over the past few weeks for which am still searchin for answers n i think I always will made me say all tat...

If some1 being too nice to U is the reason for U too loose Ur comfort wid tat person...there could be only 2 reasons...One is U r blinded wid confusion or two its all tat the person/animals Love hardly matters to U...!!!

When I saw the dog come bak to him n tried to cajole him...Cuz it had understood its master too well...N there was some1 who spoke to him about wut he was doin the master sensed the right thing to do and accepted the dof bak wid all his Love..

In real life, six sensed humans can't think of the way the dog did...Y??..I questioned myself...n the answer was simple..humans r self centered...Might be bitter but its the truth...'I want it...Yep I do..n if I don't want it later...I have a thousands of reasons to give or simply escape the whole thing by sayin...I DON'T KNOW Y..!!!..but its jus tat am not comfortable n I don't like it anymore...'...

I wonder wut the real meaning of Comfort n Comfort zone...Can some1 gimme an answer...:-?...

The Knife's realization...

The knife had somehow learnt tat my friend had no intentions of comin bak to it...N soon for the fact tat there r others around who needs the knife's favour n who respect the knife's presence more than wut my friend did...captured its attention...The knife said to itself- 'If at all am gonna be happy...Its for them...'...N so did it stand by its words...But the knife always has a small hope in the corner of its feeling's tat says - 'Will my Love ever realize its worth for me n come bak...The answer..No one knows...Not even my friend...'...

Life moved on smoothly n the knife was pretty much bak to its usage routine..But in the hands of others who now mattered...making the day easier for a lot of ppl around...N one fine day...a Fork...My friends gud companion for a long time was placed right next to the Knife...It knew my friend too well as it had been in her hands for a long time now...

The Fork told the Knife - 'Hey...I jus asked her abt wutever she was doin to U...She was worried tat U would end up not being used ever n get rusted n become a worthless possession...Though she possesses U...She'll never get bak to U...Though it hurts...This is the truth...So remember the fact tat U have realized now n keep goin ahead...Cuz she has lost the comfort of using U wid all the Love she had...'...

The knife wonders...'She lost the comfort wid me...But for wut reason...Was me being too nice to her a mistake...Should I have chopped her fingers off everytime she banged me on the cutter board wid others fury vented upon me...:-?...Should I have not been so patient or the biggest reason is tat my Love for her is not worth to be comfortable wid or to be cherished...No one knows..Not even her...!!!...Or of all is this all am worth'...

Sayin this the knife moves on Living its life...But the fact tat she's the FIRST LOVE of the Knife's life can never be changed by any1...N the knife believes in Unconditionally Loving n Living...!!!...N the Fork wonders when the knife says...'I still hav a li'l hope left some where in the corner of my heart...'...

Crux of Luv...

Woke up wid the sun directin its rays thro' the window in my room...directed right on my face...I wondered if wut I was thinking was right...rather wut I hav decided was right...N right on tat very instant,the youngest of my cousin's came runnin into the room to check if I was awake...findin my eyes wide open,he knew he wasn't gonna disturb me wid his next act...He climbed right beside me on the bed...Jus to hug me n gave a sweet peck on my cheek to greet me Gud Morning...

I wondered if in the past few years have I ever received a better greetin to start the day wid...The answer is Nope...!!!

Wid all tat I was goin thro' the past few weeks, few thought flushes rushed in my mind as if a dam was opened up n the first strem of water ran down wid all its force of FREEDOM...rather it wasn't freedom...it was the stagnant state tat was broken n there it was free to express its force,zeal,power et all...Though it didn't know how many thankful souls were waitin on its path..where every drop of it will be rejoiced...

' True...The crux of Luv is to be unconditional and express yourself to the maximum...N for ppl who rejoice it they'll n this would solve the purpose...of an emotion so beautiful when realized n showered n it doesn't decide who deserves how much...but the way U look at it n the way U cherish n realize the fact tat U r loved so much...!!!...'

Wut u deserve...Who decides tat...!!!

Following to the Knife post...my friend did get bak to the knife...But jus to inform the knife tat..."Y don't U be smart enought to understand tat i don't like u any more..."...i wouldn't mind U as my friend...rather I would want u as my friend...but it is nothin beyond mere friendship...the special relationship tat we shared is no more...its dead...N the reason..."U shower me more Love than wut I deserve..."

The knife asked a question to itself - 'How much of ur Love does some1 deserve, is it U who has to decide tat or is it tat concerned person...If U r not express the love U have for tat person tell him/her tat this is the way I'm...N if tat person really Loves U won't he/she understand even this simple aspect tat this is all u can express..."...

The answers r still to fit in the last few spaces of the jig-saw tat has been jumbled on the knife's mind for sometime now...!!!

Commitment...

Was talkin to my dad last night while watchin the match...Was an occasion when Lara got out...Ventin out all his frustration for the loose stroke tat he played...He swung the bat as if it was some huge axe tat would have halved anythin on its way...I felt a li'l bad for him..N said...'Poor Guy...'..Couldn't prove his commitment this time...

My dads reply stunned me...he said..."Hari,wut if he is not able to prove himself n his commitment by batting well...The game is still not over...There r other ways in which he can prove himself as the Captain of the side...Its not alone about the game...be it any situation and any event happening in ur life...U r the Captain of Ur Life...n to prove Ur commitment towards other ppl/things...If u don't do it in one way...There's always a second door openin up...Its how cool U keep Urself n how much of confidence U have in you tat decides how successful you r in ur next attempt..."

I said -'Very true dad...But though you r commited towards the game n u jus couldn't prove yourself thro' wut U r best @...U think U will b recognized for ur smaller efforts taken n Ur commitment will be noted...'

Dad - "Y do U need to prove others tat U r still commited though U failed in jus one attempt...First learn tat U need to prove Urself only to U...when U r successful in achieving tat...Others would have learnt a lot about U and ur commitment and things will go the way u want...I hope U understand wut am talkin abt...Don't squeeze Ur brains much @ this point in time...if its meant to be proved n realized...it'll b...If not its not meant to be...But don't loose ur commitment jus cuz its not recognized by others...Soon others will realize...Sleep well...Gud night..."

N all i could reply was... - "Dad, I Love U, thanx a tonne...:)"....

Its Urself...

Ever wondered wut...why...who...is a reason for a big chunk of problems U undergo everyday...I was sleepin last night n the god damn power supply was at the peak of its irritable form...Went all the way to the terrace...to be in nature's company on my favourite hang out...The tank on the terrace...

As I lay down there...Lookin at the clear nights sky...A million things runnin in my mind...i started lookin for answers to them...A strange thought struck...The black night sky had somethin to tell me..."When U enter this world from your mother's womb,Ur heart and mind are as blank as the night sky right now...It is all that U load into Urself wid time...its all tat u learn and u Unlearn...wut U feel and U fail to feel...All tat U realize n fail to realize...Wut U do to others n others do to U...tat loads Ur mind n heart wid feelings n gyan...Love n hate...anythin n everythin...n if U look at it all...There's one person who's common in all this tat happens...U!!...though the other person/thing keeps changing...

N half the things tat happen wid U r a direct consequence of wut U do...How u Love...Whom u Love...How n whom U hate...its jus U...n all U do to urself...But U end up blaming others for wut U do to urself...Is tat fair...Not to me atleast..."...

"Its wut U do, tat DEFINE's U..."...

The Knife...Tat hurt n tat was hurt...!!!

I have a chef friend who was pretty new to cooking few months before...right from the day she started to learn to cook...She was very choosy abt the knife she holds to cut her vegetables...She was feeling gud wid it right from day 1...She did start realizin on how to handle tat knife n soon she was very comfortable wid it...But jus a few months passed by n she was gettin pretty much matured on the cooking front n she jus handled the knife wid ease...might be she took the knife for granted for it'll always be there for her to use whenever she wants to...n tat was a truth...the knife was so comfortable in her hands tat it came to a state tat it decided even if somethin wrong happened it wouldn't run away ever...!!!

She soon became so fond of tat knife...tat anythin and everythin happened to her..though she had so many ppl around her to talk to...She would talk to the knife...n she would feel happy about it giving her a feeling as if her problems were halved...She started using the knife in all possible ways she could...n was infact delighted wid the company of it...She was in Love wid the knife...!!!

...N the knife was so happy when it was in her hands tat the moment it would forget as t how much of strain it was put to when used..but it was happy to be jus in her company n wished it to last forever...even after my friend would cease from being a cook...

Jus as time went by...external forces did disturb her on a few occasions and she jus didn't know how to handle things herself...She would restore to her favourite activity...Cooking...But there were few times tat she did cut her fingers while she used the knife wid much of other things runnin in her mind...N soon problems seemed to mount on her...rather she was thinking of them too much tat clouded her thoughts...N day by day the knife was handled a lot rougher...n she ended up cuttin her own fingers on a few more occasions...

One fine evening when she was clouded with so many other things in mind...She did cut her fingers once again...N this time the result was a lot more unexpected...She thought that the knife was no gud anymore n told to herself tat she won't use the knife anymore...!!!

She was so decisive tat she started lookin out for other options to vent out wutever she was goin thro'...She found out other ways to accomplish wutever she wanted to do for her cooking and as long as he got wut she wanted she hardly cared about what the knife was goin through...!!!

The poor Knife...All it could do was talk to itself...cuz she was no more interested in hearing wut the knife had to say to her about how much it suffered att her loss...the knife cried -

"She jus failed to realize tat everytime she did cut her fingers..She had the stroke too hard tat her fingers would've been chopped off had it been any other knife...but I was so considerate n loved HER so much tat I took all the blows myself n just ended up givin HER jus a small bruise to worry about...

But for HER this bruise is big enough to take n she could take it no more...N she jus didn't realize how I would feel...not even knowing if SHE would ever get back to it and start being the same way to ME as she was before..."

But the knife decided to wait on till my friend did realize the decisions she took wid jus her in mind...n would get back to use THE KNIFE again...

After all..Hope is wut that keeps our hearts pumping...!!!

Fear of the unknown...

Ever wondered if a second division football player can ever run on the pitch in the place of Wayne Rooney for England right from match 1 in the upcoming world cup...the very thouhgt of it sounds funny for us but imagine the English Team Manager ever havin to do somethin like tat...he'll have the worst ever series of sleepless nights before the game cuz he knows 99% it'll be d craziest act ever done in the history of English FootBall...The very thought of it can't escape his mind...Will his try be worth it...will it materialize the way he exopects it to...A huge list of unanswered questions linger all over his mind and the very thought hangs around him wid every activity he does until the moment of truth arrives and the results are atleast satisfactory...to start with...

Till the time something like tat doesn't happen there's always the fear of somethin tat rules his mind...Can't deny it...if he does somethin like tat and it doesn't click He might not even be the manager of the team after the Cup is over...there ends his career...it doesn't end here...it actually begins...

The fear of the manager is well expressed and understood...but there are other two ppl who r involved in this whole chain of actions...One is the person who's actually gonna run the pitch in the place or Rooney...His fears are his own..How would he perform on the bigger stage...he would hav the heart to perform well..otherwise his dreams of playin for the National team is doomed...The other person is Rooney himself...If at all the new comer performs way above standards of Rooney...will he ever get the same importance he used to in the team??No assurance...

It is very similar to ppl n situations in Life...there is always a fear of the unknown...the fear of being left hanging about in the air...Ppl change only with their own feelings and circumstances in mind...They hardly think of wut others will under go when they talk and do things tat involves other dear n near ones too..the worst ever fear is the fear of Being IGNORED...for a short time or forever...and when once such a feeling kicks in there's hardly anybodys words tat will matter to U than the person himself/herself who gets back to reassure things...After all...Other's feelings hardly matter these days...

Priorities...!!!

Its somethin tat occupies ya parents mind till the time U get to stand on Ur own legs...Then when U finish off Ur schoolin...n U actually start thinkin abt how life is to b wid Ur parents not around U to support U from now...(not tat they r gonna b away but its Ur life n U decide wut to do wid it...Live it or dump it..)...

College courses...Future career prospects...blah blah blah..U hav a thousand n 1 things in mind jus to keep U occupied n end of the day all U find out is tat...-"The GRASS is GREENER on the other SIDE..."...but my inner voice said...'Dude...b careful when U handle things...Cuz i don't n time doesn't give U a second chance to decide n live this very second that jus passed by...'...but still- DO WE ACTUALLY PRIOROTIZE things in life...be it anythin...Carrer...Everyday life...Love...Loved Ones...Nope..Its jus tat we get carried away wid ppl or thought who/which are close to our hearts at tat particular phase of time...N even though we may try 2 priorotize things n thwe way we see them...practically...Its the impulse which drives U...tat VERY SECOND which U don't get bak ever...

A simple happenin made me realize this truth last night before I went to sleep...n this is no place to vent out this...but the hurricane created in my mind was to fierce tat I had to vent it out somewhere...N tats wut I jus did...:))

fIlLiNg VoIds...

Was on the couch listenin to my fav musician perform live...Too many things on my mind...I decided to close my eyes n put my thoughts away...for a while though as I knew escapism is not the solution for wutever was runnin in my mind...!!!

Met a sister who longed to hav a brother..who wanted more of my attention though I tried my best to give my everyday share of time tat I can spend for others who mattered to me...N the sweetest sister...who's a lot more than wut am puttin out in mere words here...n d list jus goes on wid the best friends I hav n to every person who needs my attention...N with every person i thought of then n tried to brief my relationship I shared wid them in few sentences...i wasn't able to do it in mind as there were too many to think of...I was afraid I would loose count...I decided to pen down their names n those few sentences...

Jus as the list went by I found out one thing pretty common...All those relationship's..of all forms...Friends, cousins, elders..startin right from my parents to my sibling n even ppl who were strong enough to etch their name in my mind though its only once I've met them...Everyone were unique in their own way...But they all did the same thing..They @ some point or the other did fill tat empty spaces of happiness n meaningfulness in life n still lived their life...

It was jus then I realized tat whoever U meet n whoever is there in Ur life is meant to be there to fill in THOSE so called meaningless VOID's of emotions...!!!